‘Stop telling people (including yourself) that they just need to be more confident!
I have been thinking about writing this post for ages, which isn’t like me, I do think about things, quite deeply in fact but then I crack on with making it happen. I’m definitely not a procrastinator. But, you see, I lacked the confidence! I couldn’t summon the belief that what I was going to write was going to be useful to others. However, watching the lionesses at the weekend spurred me on as there were a couple of relevant quotes from pundits and players:
‘Confidence oozing from her’ said a commentator about Lucy Bronze as she shot down the wing.
‘She trusts us to go out there and play our hearts out’ another fabulous player said about Sarina Wiegman following England’s win.
The two sides of the same coin. A player playing with confidence and a nod to the leader who has created the environment where that is the case.
When taking briefs for coaching, I frequently hear statements such as ‘they’re brilliant – they should have more confidence’, ‘probably the best designer we have – they just need to be more confident’. Perhaps true but I don’t think it’s that simple.
So rather than telling people (including yourself) to be more confident, here are a few things to try:
For you:
Be aware of, communicate, use and embrace your strengths.
Manage self talk - consider what you’re telling yourself.
Take a conscious step outside your comfort zone. Whatever you try may not be great first time but remind yourself that it is a step towards it and that is great.
Try to avoid comparing yourself with others. Often people compare what they are feeling on the inside to how others look on the outside. Remember that however self assured someone looks, everyone has internal fears and concerns.
To support those in your team:
Ask yourself, ‘what am I doing to increase the confidence of the individuals in my team? ‘ The focus being on individuals as not everyone will respond to the same environment. Is everyone ‘playing freely’ or are they always having to look over their shoulder concerned they’re not doing things your way?
Adopt a coaching style of leadership as often as possible. Asking more questions rather than jumping in with advice every time can build confidence by encouraging independent thinking.
Provide specific and timely feedback such as ‘that presentation you gave this morning was great. It was really well researched and the way you built rapport at the start was impressive. It could be even better if the slides were more visual.’
Of course, a coach can also support in this area, so if you would like to explore how that might work please get in touch.
I’m super interested in the topic of confidence so will be revisiting it soon!
